Depression how to deal

So I've been sitting around having time to think which sometimes is not a good thing in my case.
There are things we go through in life that's so traumatic it takes a lot to come out of it or get over it. Some mask it or cover it up with things, people, makeup, hobbies, or they can't cover it up and they wear their depression like a garment.
I myself have never had counseling for the many things that people would consider traumatic. In the end I became very angry, I had a bad temper and I would explode at the slightest thing. After having children I've learned to mask it yet again, by controlling my anger but now burying myself in my children's life. This is my way of looking in the mirror to have a conversation with someone because I feel I can write and no one will see my tears just read my words, I don't have to hear the judgement I can just release and grey over it. Yes I've been my own counselor because trust is far and non existent to me. I hate more than I love, I hurt more than I'm happy but my mask has been on for so many years that I wouldn't know where to begin to untie all the knots that have my mask held up so nice and tight. One song that I relate to so well is Lit Wayne mirror on the wall.  This is my mirror on the wall.  I keep going because of my kids, I keep going because everything that happened to me I would never allow to happen to them.  So now I put another knot in my mask and I keep moving.